Brain dead/fuck

12:03 am, wide awake, listening to poetic and sweet acoustic American country music, waiting for my internet connection to sort itself out, trying to keep my emotions stable, (and failing). Sometimes I contemplate seeking professional help, then my mood mellows out, and I forget. I always wish I didn't feel the things I do though, my mind is driving me to insanity. It's not fun, I can assure thee.
I don't even think that's a word. Not sure, haha. As I spend my days alone and bored, waiting to hear back for interviews, with my friends at work, or busy with their lives, I grow ever more impatient, and tired, but so so awake. I've so much free time I can no longer think of what to do with it, and it's not as pleasant as one may think. Sometimes I desperately wish I could escape into one of the fictional worlds I play about in on my Xbox, or read about in books, as cliche as that may be, it would be a dream come true for me. I've always longed for a world more interesting and fantastic than this one. If I could earn a living by slaying beasts and tyrants as opposed to, working behind a till, if we travelled about on the backs of four legged mythical creatures, instead of cars or busses or trains, etc. etc.
It does depress me ever so to be reminded of the grim and grey world we are forced to live upon. But if I let it bother me so much all the time I'd be a hell of a lot more depressed. It's not always so terrible, but much of the time one needs dolla to appreciate that. A luxury I won't have until I get a job. My goodness aren't I a cheery one?
Lalalala I don't know what else to input.
Do let me know if you find my ramblings interesting, or if I should stop. I'd be ever so intrigued to hear what you have to say about my life.