You never know what you're thinking until you write it down..

You never know what you're thinking until you write it down..

A few days ago my other half suggested I begin a "lifestyle" blog, this sounded like a great idea if not for one overwhelming hindrance: i often feel as though i lack any particular "lifestyle", certainly nothing substantial enough to turn into words, words that people would want to read.

however what do I have to lose from trying at least?

It then occurred to me that I could just write. about anything. literally anything. I remembered a piece of advise one of my lecturers gave my class about combating writers block; "you never know what you're thinking until you write it down", the same can be applied with any practise, if you're stuck or in a rut, just do and something will come out of it.

So this is the fuel to start my blogging fire. I just remind myself, if I write, I will eventually siphon out something worth reading, right?

Recently I've been facing some facets of an existential crisis; now that my lectures have finished for the year, unemployed me rejoiced the abundance of free time, endless lie-ins, catching up on my favourite shows, going out during the week on student nights, unfortunately a week in the novelty has worn off and I'm at a loss for things to do. I say that, at a loss of things to do that satisfy or entertain me, "Get a job!" "Do something pro-active!" And lo I finally got round to starting this new, potential hobby, and updating my cv. "Don't forget to search for deep orc butts" - Sunny Matthews, 2015.

It gets to a point where I find myself in a cold sweat over wasting the best years of my life, what ever happened to carpe diem? An aspect of my life that seems to have been buried along with my reckless youth.

Months later and the stifling heat has rolled in, "it won't be as bad this year, surely!" I keep telling myself. Yet once again, laziness has set in and productivity has made itself scarce as I feel my brain, almost literally, melting. Laying on my bed in a fit of perspiration and staring at my laptop like some sort of sweaty gormless half-wit. Feeling the tides of inactivity sweeping over my summer I had already resolved to a different pass-time; I am trying to embrace all aspects of my life, good and bad instead of beating myself up over the trivial at any given opportunity. Instead of hating myself for being lazy, I now take this time and low physical energy to meditate. If I find myself on a day too humid or scorching for me to handle doing anything, I reflect upon myself, my life and the universe; trust me to always find something pretentious to gabble on about! I joke, however meditation has become a saving grace in my life over the last year; I feel as though I have really grown, I have worked on opening my chakras and achieved a higher level of self awareness. That's not to say that I have attained a guru-esque status or that I am "totally zen", yet before emotions that came up cloudy and chaotic, undefinable, pose less of a challenge or hurdle to my day to day life. 

I feel as though, were I to offer any advice, it would be that looking at problems from a different angle instead of allowing negativity to set in will yield amazingly uplifting results; try to think of the dark and the light as a necessary duality, one cannot exist without the other, neither can you exist in happiness without negativity arising.